Gotta Find Me
by nikkibabe
Summary: *Reposted without format errors!* Totally AU - Buffy has just broken up with her boyfriend and is trying to find out who she is, until a person from the past shakes things up. Spuffy
1. chapter 1

GOTTA FIND ME  
  
SUMMARY: This is an AU fic based in a world where there are no demons, vampires or a Slayer. Buffy has just broken up with the person she thought she was going to spend the rest of life with and now she wants to find her self in the world. But an old flame shows up and makes things much more interesting than that!  
  
This is Spuffy story despite what it might look like in the first few chapters, and Angel lovers don't worry there won't be excessive bashing!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I anticipate this fic being a long one, the longest I've written so far has been 27 chapters and I'm hoping to beat that this time. I've got the plot all worked out and I think I'm really gonna enjoy writing this.  
  
So if you enjoy reading then please, please, review. I'm really easily disheartened so when no-one reviews I start to think that I shouldn't carry on writing. Any thoughts and ideas are always welcome, and if I use an idea I'll credit you.  
  
Anyway on with story....  
  
CHAPTER ONE - 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND'  
  
Buffy Summers sat on the double bed in her room in total darkness shedding the last of the tears she had to cry. Her eyes were red, sore and she was completely emotionally exhausted but she couldn't sleep no matter how much she wanted to.  
  
If she slept then for eight hours it wouldn't be real. She couldn't even begin to think about what she would do now, if she didn't have him then she didn't have anything.  
  
***FLASHBACK***  
  
Buffy and Angel were half sitting half lying on the sofa in Buffy's living room watching something mind-numbing on the television. Buffy lifted her head from Angel's chest and leant up to kiss him, he kissed her back but she got the impression that he didn't really want to.  
  
She lay her head back on his chest and thought about what was happening to their relationship. She had always been known for being melodramatic and over imaginative but she was sure that she wasn't imagining it he didn't love her anymore.  
  
"You don't love me anymore." The words were out of her mouth before she even had chance to run them by her brain.  
  
She continued to stare at the Destiny's Child documentary that was blaring from the television.  
  
"I do," Buffy sighed with relief it was just her imagination after all, "Just not like that anymore." Angel concluded.  
  
Shock ran through her body, had he really just said what she thought he did? Buffy stood up and left the room.  
  
It was over.  
  
***END FLASHBACK***  
  
Buffy tossed and turned under the covers trying desperately to forget the memories of what had happened that afternoon out of her head and all the time the fingers on her right hand were stroking her engagement ring.  
  
"Oh this isn't working." Buffy said to herself with a deep sigh as she grabbed Mr. Gordo and turned on the lamp.  
  
She looked down at the pink stuffed pig that Angel had given her when they started dating, the pink stuffed pig that felt like her only friend in the world now.  
  
"What am I gonna do now?" She sobbed with fresh tears running down her face.  
  
She felt lost all over again just like she had done when she was younger before her and Angel had gotten together.  
  
"It's three days after my twenty-first birthday and he just decides that he isn't romantically in love with me anymore, without any prior warning!" Buffy said her voice getting angrier and angrier with each word.  
  
"I don't understand, what did I do wrong? I wish he's have told me." Were the last words she sobbed out before she finally got some peace and feel asleep.  
  
~***~  
  
The next morning Buffy woke up early, she rolled over and stretched her arm out searching for her lover. Then she remembered the day before and she was angry that her mind had betrayed her like that.  
  
"I'm gonna call him." She said in a resolute voice whilst staring at her cell phone.  
  
She picked it up scrolled to his name in the phone book and held her finger over the call button for a moment unsure as to whether she really should call him. Before she could over think the idea she pressed the green call button.  
  
"Hi it's me, Buffy."  
  
"I know, how are you?" His voice seemed genuinely concerned for her.  
  
"Not so good." She replied.  
  
"Oh." That was the only answer Angel could find because he knew that her pain was because of him and there was nothing he could do to help her.  
  
"I need you to tell me why. Is there someone else?" She asked timidly scared to death of the answer he might give.  
  
"There's no one else, I don't know why I just don't feel that way about you any longer." He answered.  
  
Buffy paused, she was angry at him for not giving her answers. It was answers that could possibly sooth the pain.  
  
"What I am I meant to do now Angel?" She shouted.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You know what my life was like before you, you know how I was. You changed all that for me, you changed me and you made me normal. So what do I do now go back to the way I was before?" She said with a venomous tone to her voice.  
  
"You can be anything you want to be Buffy."  
  
TBC. 


	2. chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO - 'THE FRESH START'  
  
Buffy gave herself the once over in the mirror. It was her first day at her first real world job as department manager in McFadden's department store, it wasn't just a job it was the start of her career. She had worked hard for her college diploma in consumer psychology and now that hard work had paid off in the form of a top job in retail. Life was perfect.  
  
'How far from the truth can one statement be' She thought to herself as adjusted the white slash next top she had chosen for her first day.  
  
She looked good and confident on the outside and as long as she could keep her self calm then it wouldn't matter if she didn't feel that way on the inside.  
  
The past two months had been hard on Buffy, she had totally gone into herself and even gone as far as to cut herself off from all of her friend and even her family to some extent.  
  
"But that all ends today Buffy you're starting a new life." She said reprimanding herself for her inner thoughts of running and hiding.  
  
"You might even make some friends." Were her last words to Mr. Gordo as she picked up car keys and headed out of the door.  
  
~***~  
  
Buffy entered the store through the staff entrance using the key card she had been given in her induction pack. A tall young man holding a clipboard greeted her.  
  
"Hi I'm Mr Wood, but call me David." He said extending his hand to her.  
  
"I'm Buffy Summers your new head of marketing."  
  
"Yes you are." He said with a bright smile, "We've got two other graduates starting today as department heads so today will be spent team building if that's ok with you."  
  
Buffy couldn't believe his laid back manner, she never thought the real world of employment would ask her if elements of her job were ok with her.  
  
"Yeah that'd be great." She said with a bright smile, she was feeling ok with herself.  
  
"Good then if you'd like to follow me I'll introduce you to the other two."  
  
Buffy followed him through the corridors at the back of the store, her heart pounding and breathing uneasy. 'You can do this.' She told her self.  
  
David pushed open the door to the staff room and motioned for Buffy to follow him. Sat on the large chocolate coloured sofa's inside were a young woman and man, Buffy felt her heart speed up again as she realized that she was going to have speak to these people and make friends with them.  
  
"This is Willow, head of staff child care." David said extending his hand towards the pretty red headed woman. "And this is Alexander, head of catering." He continued pointing to the dark haired man.  
  
Buffy smiled at the two people and introduced herself.  
  
"Ok then I'll give the three of you some time to get acquainted." David said as he left the room.  
  
Buffy continued to smile nervously, 'There's your safety net gone Buff."  
  
~***~  
  
After a short time with Willow and Xander Buffy felt much more at ease with herself. She had begun chatting and realized that these people did not know anything about her and therefore weren't judging her on the failures of her private life.  
  
She liked both of them they were friendly and funny.  
  
"So what was your major?" Willow asked sounding genuinely interested rather than just polite.  
  
"Consumer psychology, I studied at UC Sunnydale just a few miles from here." Buffy answered taking her time to remain calm.  
  
"Sunnydale, yeah we've both just moved there because it's so much easier for work." Xander told Buffy.  
  
"So where did you live before?" Buffy asked falling into the flow of the conversation.  
  
"We're both from L.A." Willow answered.  
  
Buffy tried to keep the smile firmly fixed on her face, "I know someone who lives in L.A. Most of my friends have moved away from Sunnydale now that they've finished college."  
  
The conversation carried on until David came back into the room and told them that it was now time to start the real work of team building and more staff induction. The three gathered their belongings and followed.  
  
~***~  
  
In Buffy's opinion the team building exercises had been a boring waste of time, yeah she knew numerous facts about her two co-workers but she didn't feel that she knew them. They both seemed like really nice people that if things were different she would like to get to know a whole lot better.  
  
The three college graduates were collecting the stuff and getting ready to leave there first day in the real world, Buffy was glad that it was over because now she could go back home and sit watching television all night alone.  
  
"Buffy, we, I mean me and Xander were wondering if you would like to come out for dinner tonight and then maybe a few drinks or something?" Willow asked looking more nervous than Buffy had done all day.  
  
"Thanks for the offer but I.." Buffy said realizing that she had no excuse what so ever for turning them down.  
  
"Oh right well it was just a thought, I mean if you have other things to do that's ok. We just thought you could show us some of the good places to go in Sunnydale. But really it's ok." Willow rambled cutting Buffy off.  
  
Buffy looked at the red head and got the impression that both her and Xander really wanted her there. 'Come on Buffy you can do this."  
  
"Well alright I don't have any other plans, it'll be great." Buffy said trying to quell her fears about making new friends.  
  
The three new friends made arrangement to meet later that evening for dinner and headed off their separate ways to get ready.  
  
TBC. 


	3. chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE - 'Starting From Scratch'  
  
Buffy was sat at a table for three in 'Papa Mario's' Italian restaurant with Willow and Xander later that evening. She had picked them up and driven them into the centre of Sunnydale for the best cuisine the town had to offer.  
  
She felt usually comfortable with the strange situation.  
  
"I like your ring." Willow said commenting of the ring that now lived on Buffy's right hand.  
  
The smile that had been firmly fixed on Buffy's face all day fell immediately, "Can we get another bottle of wine? House white please." Buffy said catching the attention of the waiter.  
  
"Where did you get it?" Willow continued not noticing how uncomfortable Buffy now looked.  
  
"Oh that, it was my engagement ring." Buffy answered glancing down at the diamond ring.  
  
It was then that willow picked up Buffy's vibe and felt like an idiot for even mentioning it, "I'm sorry."  
  
Buffy looked up at the young women who now looked upset, "Don't be sorry it's not you're fault that he left me." She said as she threw another glass of wine down her neck.  
  
The whole time Xander just watched the scene knowing far too well that when women started having conversations like this it was best to just stay out of it, especially when the conversation involved being screwed over by a man.  
  
Buffy felt a rush of emotional release as the subject was approached, she had spent all day not wanting the new people in her life to know about Angel but it felt good to actually tell them.  
  
Willow really wanted to ask Buffy what had happened, it intrigued her to meet a woman of twenty one who had found the time to get engaged.  
  
Buffy could feel Willow looking at her, she could feel the young woman's eyes wondering what had happened so she decided to take the leap and actually talk about Angel.  
  
"His name was Angel and we were together for just over two years. It was really serious but then one day he decided he didn't love me anymore." Buffy said pouring herself another glass of wine not able to look at Willow or Xander.  
  
"God Buffy that's awful, was there a reason?" Willow asked not wanting to push her too much.  
  
"Well if there was a reason he wouldn't tell me, I did ask him but he said that people change and he couldn't explain it. Thanks Angel." She raised her glass into the air as if to toast her ex. There was an angry edge her voice.  
  
"When did you split up?" Willow continued.  
  
"About two months ago, it was three days after my twenty-first birthday." Buffy said trying to stop her self from crying.  
  
They sat there quite for a moment, and Buffy reflected on what had just happened. For the last two months family and friends had tried to get her to talk about what had happened and she refused and now after knowing these people a day she was pouring her heart out to them. It felt good.  
  
"We'd known each other a long time." Buffy added as she started to think about when she met Angel.  
  
~~~FLASHBACK~~~  
  
Cordy pulled Buffy down the street, "Come on Buff you've got to meet him he's so cute."  
  
Cordy was talking about the man who she had meet only two days earlier but had already decided was going to be her new beau.  
  
"So what's he called?" Buffy asked wondering if the guy had any cute friends she could be set up with.  
  
"Angel, and yes there are plenty of good looking friends for you to get your mitts on." Cordy said as she dragged Buffy into the Bronze.  
  
Before either of them had chance to look around a tall handsome dark haired man was in front of them, "Cordy." He said with appreciative grin.  
  
"Hey Angel, this is my friend Buffy." Cordy said introducing the two.  
  
Buffy looked the guy up and down, he sure was good looking but not really her type he was a little tall and a little too big built but she was please for Cordy he was just her type.  
  
As they were talking two other men approached, and they were both far more Buffy's type. One had dark hair and the other had shocking white bleached hair. Angel looked from the one to another.  
  
"Buffy this is Lindsey." He said motioning to the dark haired man out of the two, "Oh and that's Spike." He said not even sparring a glance at the other man.  
  
Buffy looked up at Spike, he was just her type bright blue eyes and a slender build, she would have to get to work on him.  
  
~~~END FLASHBACK~~~  
  
"Didn't you say it was Angel who you were with?" Willow asked slightly confused at the way the story was going.  
  
"Yeah." Buffy answered.  
  
"Well how did he get from being your friends new beau to your fiancé?" Willow asked still confused.  
  
"Now there's a really long story, we were just friends to start with he helped me out a lot when I was kinda messed up and then things changed for us." Buffy explained her face animated from storytelling.  
  
"So let me guess you and Spike had a thing?" Xander said finally joining the conversation.  
  
"Less of a thing and more of a saga!" Buffy said, "We were together but it was never plain sailing."  
  
Buffy stopped herself from even thinking about Spike, he had been another one that she had fallen for only to find herself left heart broken.  
  
"Look I'm really sorry you guys, we were meant to coming out for a pleasant dinner and I end up giving you the romantic history of my life. It's just that all the things in my life seem to interconnect so there's never a short story!" Buffy said laughing slightly at the situation.  
  
"That's ok Buffy, it all sounds kinda interesting, you'll have to tell us all about when you feel ready." Willow said sounding like she was going to become the best friend Buffy ever had.  
  
"You know what I think I am ready, for the past two months I've been scared to talk to anyone because I thought it would hurt too much but I never guessed that it would feel good to say it all out loud." Buffy commented taking another sip of her wine.  
  
"Well we've got all night go a head." Xander said giving her the go ahead to get it all out.  
  
"Ok then, well after that night....."  
  
TBC. 


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi just thought I'd let everyone know that most of this chapter will be flashbacks to explain the relationship Buffy and Spike had and then how Buffy and Angel got together. I think that it'll take more than one chapter but I'll clearly label the flashbacks so it doesn't get confusing. Enjoy.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR - 'The Saga.'  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
"So I hear that a certain blonde has really fallen for you." Cordy said as she finished off painting Buffy's nails carefully watching for her friend's reaction.  
  
Buffy's head shot up, "Really. I mean what he's only known me like three days. But what did he say?"  
  
Cordy smiled she knew Buffy too well, " Angel said that he wanted to ask you out on a date."  
  
Buffy screamed a girly scream that could only come from a cheerleader, "I totally knew he liked me. So when's he gonna ask me?"  
  
She couldn't contain her excitement about the prospect of Spike asking her out, she had liked him straight away. With those sorts of looks what girl wouldn't fall head over heels straight away but it wasn't just that he was funny and had a rebellious edge to him as well.  
  
"I dunno he'll probably call you or something." Cordy said whilst drawing love hearts on her English file that said 'Cordy and Angel 4eva'.  
  
Buffy scrunched her brow for a second, "How did he get my number?"  
  
"Duh I gave it to him, I so knew you were into him even though you never said anything. And why didn't you say anything, I'm meant to be you best friend?" Cordy asked.  
  
Before Buffy could answer the phone in the landing started to ring and she jumped up to answer it, "Hello."  
  
"Hello may I speak to Buffy please?" The soft English voice on the other end asked, it kinda sounded like Spike but it was too soft for him.  
  
"It's me." Buffy answered wondering what other English person could possibly want with her.  
  
"Hi pet it's Spike." He said reverting to his usual accent.  
  
"Oh I wondered who it was then you sounded really different." Buffy commented.  
  
"Well I thought it might be your mother and I had to make a good impression with her if a I want to take her daughter on a date." He said casually dropping the invite in.  
  
A huge smile formed on Buffy's face she tried to remain calm not wanting to sound like an over hyped idiot just because he'd ask her out.  
  
'Be cool, be breezy' Buffy thought as she opened her mouth to reply, "Well don't ya think you should be making a good impression with the daughter?"  
  
She heard Spike chuckle at the other end that was a good sign she'd made him laugh with her wit and sarcasm.  
  
"I'm hoping I already have." He stated lowering his tone again so it sounded husky.  
  
~***~  
  
Buffy returned to her bedroom floating on cloud nine and Cordy knew straight away who the mystery phone caller had been. Cordy was so pleased with herself for persuading Spike to call at a time she knew she'd be there so she could be the first to hear all the details.  
  
"So then Miss Summers who was that?" Cordy asked in a teasing tone.  
  
"It was Spike." Buffy cooed.  
  
"And?"  
  
"Tomorrow night he's taking me out for dinner!" Buffy squealed as she grabbed on to her best friend.  
  
"This is so good I mean your going to be seeing one of Angel's friends this is gonna work out so well for everyone!" Cordy squeaked joining in the excitement.  
  
"From what I've seen so far I'm not sure I'd describe Angel and Spike as friends." Buffy said commenting on the hostile atmosphere between the two men every time they'd been together.  
  
"True, Angel doesn't really like Spike, but there still hang together because Lindsay is good friends with both of them. It's just a personality clash." Cordy said not wanting to repeat what angel had actually said about Spike.  
  
~***~  
  
The next evening Buffy was sat on the friendship swing outside of her house waiting for Spike, she wanted to keep things casual so she decided against the formal mom introduction for their first date.  
  
She tilted her head down so that she could give her self the once over she'd decided on tight blue hip jeans and a red sleeveless top. 'You look killer' she said to herself as she saw Spike approaching.  
  
"Hi." She greeted him with a bright smile.  
  
"Hi love." He said glancing over her perfect figure.  
  
"Shall we go?" She asked hoping to get him out of the way before her mom or younger sister Dawn heard the male voice and came out to be have a look.  
  
"Yeah course you'll have to excuse me if I get this date stuff a bit messed up we don't really do it so much in England." He explained as they headed down the path.  
  
"So what do you do?" Buffy enquired thinking it quite strange that couples didn't really date.  
  
"Well if you like someone you hang with them and there friends for a bit and then just ask them if they want to be your girlfriend."  
  
"Oh, cool."  
  
~***~  
  
Buffy was having such an amazing time with Spike she found talking to him really easy and he was so interesting. Not to mention gorgeous. But all good things had to come to an end and now was there time to end the evening.  
  
"Thanks for walking me home Spike." Buffy said as her heart was pounding all she wanted to do was kiss him but she couldn't that was to forward.  
  
Normally guys would try and kiss her at the end of a date but Spike had already told her that he was very unaccustomed to American dating rituals.  
  
Spike looked at the beauty in front of him he didn't want to do all the dating crap he just wanted her to be his right now but he had learnt that it didn't happen like that in America.  
  
"Look Buffy I really like you but I don't like this dating stuff. So what you say about us just getting together like boyfriend and girlfriend right now?" He asked praying that she'd say yes.  
  
Buffy nibbled on her bottom lip and thought for a second, "Yeah that sounds good, but you still have to take me places."  
  
"Course." Were his last words before grabbing her around her waist and pulling him to her for a deep kiss.  
  
TBC. 


	5. chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE - 'Spiked'  
  
Willow and Xander had listened intently as Buffy explained how she had gotten together with Spike but were a little confused about where the Angel romance fitted into all this.  
  
"Sorry Buff but I really don't understand where Angel comes into this, all we've heard so far is that he's with that Cordy girl and he doesn't really like Spike." Xander said.  
  
"See there's my point that's all Angel was Cordy's boyfriend who didn't like my boyfriend. Everything that I liked about Spike angel didn't, to be honest I didn't pay much attention to Angel in the beginning I didn't even like him that much he annoyed me way to much."  
  
"So what changed?" Willow asked.  
  
"We became friends through mutual hatred!" Buffy said a smile playing across her face.  
  
"For who?"  
  
"Spike."  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy breathed deeply, tonight was going to be the night that she lost her virginity. Angel's parents had gone away for the weekend and he was throwing a small party. Buffy was seventeen and most of her friends weren't virgins any longer and she had decided that tonight she was going to give her self to Spike.  
  
They hadn't been together very long, a month max but she was sure that it was the right thing to do. She had spent nearly everyday with him since their first date and she was certain that she was in love with him and that was what mattered. After all Cordy had slept with Angel long ago and he hadn't been her first so it wasn't like she was the most slutty of all her friends.  
  
"Do you want to go upstairs?" Buffy whispered into Spike's ear.  
  
Spike's head shot round to look at his girlfriend, "Really? Are you sure love?"  
  
Buffy smiled a coy smile, "Yes I'm one hundred percent sure."  
  
With that Spike grabbed her hand and lead her upstairs towards to the spare room.  
  
Within seconds of the door closing they were kissing passionately and tearing at each other's clothing, hands were roaming and they were both very aroused.  
  
"One last time love are you sure?" Spike asked knowing that she was a virgin.  
  
"God Spike yeah I'm totally sure now get on this bed." She answered pushing a side any first time nerves that she had.  
  
~***~  
  
Buffy and Spike lay next to each other, naked, not saying a word just enjoying the moment. It was a if there was no one else in the world apart from the two of them and if it could have stayed that way they would have let it.  
  
Then there was a loud knocking at the door, "Buffy, you in there? It's nearly eleven and you've got to be home." Cordy said drawing the couple out of the perfect moment.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
"I know it all sounds great and you're probably wondering where hate part comes in. The thing was that the perfect moment ended the moment I left the room."  
  
Buffy didn't really want to bring up that old wound again but she had started the story so she was going to have to finish, she took another drink and started to talk again.  
  
"The next day I had to go to New York to stay with my dad over fall break I didn't want to go but it had been arranged before I even met Spike so I had to. Then when I got back and called Spike he said he was too busy to come over and that he'd be round when he had the chance."  
  
Willow gasped, "Let me guess he never came round."  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"So he used the old 'get the girl into bed then dump her' thing?" Xander asked.  
  
"Well that's what I thought at the time and Angel didn't do anything to help."  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy was stood on Angel's front porch in the rain crying, she'd called Cordy's house only to be told that Cordy was at Angel's place. So here she was looking for comfort off her best friend.  
  
Angel opened the door, "Buffy what's the matter?"  
  
"He dumped me!" She sobbed as Angel showed her in.  
  
"Did he call you?" Angel asked. He had known when Buffy was in New York that Spike was going to dump her when she got back.  
  
"No," She hiccupped, "He just hasn't been seen for the last two weeks since I got back. I'm not stupid I know when someone trying to get rid of me."  
  
Buffy looked round, "Where's Cordy?"  
  
"Sorry but she left about ten minutes ago, but I'll listen if you wanna talk." Angel offered as he got her a towel for her wet hair.  
  
"I don't understand Angel I thought he really liked me, he was so nice to me before I went away and then this? What's his childhood trauma?" Buffy said feeling very broken.  
  
"He's just an arsehole Buffy, never thinks about anyone but himself you're better off without him."  
  
"Maybe." She said trying to pick herself up a little.  
  
"Listen Riley told me that he really likes you what about you hook up with him and forget all about Spike." Angel said pleased that Buffy would now know what Spike was really like.  
  
"Riley's not really my type Angel."  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
"Ok so Angel helped you threw your heart break even tried to set you up with one of his nice friends but you feel in love and got together? What about Cordy?" Xander asked as engrossed in the story as if it were a soap opera.  
  
"If only it had been that simple. No I ended up dating Riley for a little bit after much pressure from Cordy and Angel but I didn't work out he really wasn't my type. And then Spike showed up again."  
  
TCB. 


	6. chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX - 'Broken Hearts & St. Valentines'  
  
Buffy couldn't believe how what she thought was going to be a simple dinner with two new friend had turned out, she was sat with two people she didn't know all that well recounting the past four years of her life. And the really amazing thing was that they were enjoying listening to her.  
  
"Yeah the Riley thing really didn't turn out all that well for him, or for me." Buffy explained.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy had always had a hard time breaking up with people she just hated to see their face when she told them that it wasn't working out. So she had done what any other girl in her situation would have done; She wrote him a break up letter.  
  
She ran to the door as she heard someone knocking and opened it to find Riley standing on the other side looking rather upset with scraps of paper clutched in his hand.  
  
"Buffy you can have this back." He said as he pushed the violated letter towards her, "I wish you could have told me to my face."  
  
Suddenly she felt very guilty she should have told him to his face so now was the time to sort it out. She stepped outside and closed the door behind her.  
  
"Riley I'm really sorry I should have spoken to you, do you wanna talk about it now?" she asked.  
  
"I like you Buffy, in fact I like you a lot but you obviously don't like me all that much." He said looking as if he was about to cry.  
  
"No, no it's not like that at all. Your friends with Spike and you know what happened between us I'm just not ready to be with someone else not yet anyway." Buffy said sounding rather ashamed of herself.  
  
Riley didn't say anything in reply he just looked at her, it had always been like this for him he always feel for the same girls as Spike and Spike always got the girl but then he messed them about and he ended up being the re-bound guy.  
  
"Don't worry about it Buffy, I just wanted...." Riley was cut off by the sound of another male voice.  
  
"Didn't think you had it in you Buffy to be such a bitch." Spike said as he crossed her front lawn not caring that he should have used the path.  
  
It was the first time Buffy had seen Spike since she had gotten back from New York and as much as she'd spent the whole time to make herself believe that she didn't like him that much anyway her heart pounding betrayed her.  
  
"I'm a bitch!" Buffy said her voice filled with shock that HE could conceive calling her that.  
  
"Yeah you are, look at poor Riley here, he falls head over heels for you and you use him to get over your recent romantic trauma and then dump him. I'd say that makes you a bitch." Spike said pulling a packet of smokes out of his leather duster.  
  
"What's your problem Spike?" Buffy asked all the time totally ignoring Riley who was trying to have a deep and meaningful with her.  
  
"You've hurt my friend that's my problem." Spike replied as he threw her an angry glare.  
  
Buffy was so caught up in the drama of seeing Spike again that she didn't even notice Riley standing up and leaving. Because no matter how much she wanted to hate the man before her she couldn't deny that her heart longed to just grab him and kiss him.  
  
"And what about me? You hurt me! I fell for you and you just dumped me at least I had the decency to tell him it was over. You really, really screwed me up and now you turn up hear to preach to me!" Her voice was filled with angry but both her and Spike knew that it was taking all her energy to keep her composure.  
  
"You know what Spike go to hell." Were her last words to him before going back inside her house and slamming the door.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
"Riley sounded like a nice guy Buff why didn't you give him more of a chance?" Xander asked as they left the restaurant and headed towards Willy's Bar across the road.  
  
"He was a really nice guy but that wasn't what I was looking for at that time, I was just to caught up with Spike to even give it a chance. He's been a really good friend to me over the years."  
  
"Yeah but Spike sounds like a jerk." Xander commented.  
  
"He wasn't as bad as I've made him sound honestly, there's more to this story than meets the eye. We were just so caught up in each other and we didn't realize what was for the best."  
  
"Did you get back together?" Willow asked predicting the conclusion.  
  
"Eventually yeah we did." A smile formed on her face as she thought back.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Cordy, Angel, Riley, Lindsey and Buffy were all at the Bronze for St. Valentine's day just hanging together and dancing. Lindsey pulled a small bottle of vodka out of his pocket and offered it around the group. Buffy looked at the bottle knowing that she really shouldn't even consider drinking from it but hell it was Valentine's day and she was all alone so she threw a mouthful back.  
  
"Shit." Cordy muttered as she looked across the room and then back to Buffy.  
  
"What?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Nothing." Cordy snapped.  
  
"No something's the matter what is it?" Buffy asked with a little more force.  
  
"Ok but you're not gonna like this."  
  
"Just tell me!" Buffy shouted losing her temper and taking another mouthful of vodka.  
  
"You know Anya? Well her little sister Harmony is here." Cordy answered hoping that Buffy would leave it at that.  
  
"And?"  
  
"Ok you are so not gonna like this but here goes, Spike's dating Harmony and there here together looking really hot and heavy."  
  
Buffy let her eyes scan the crowd it was the last thing she wanted to see especially on Valentine's day but she couldn't help herself. Then there he was with his arms around a blonde, he lifted his head up and caught her eye. Buffy quickly looked away and pretended that she didn't care whilst taking yet another mouthful of vodka.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
TBC. 


	7. chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN - 'What About Her?'  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy felt hot and just a little bit drunk she had ended up drink quite a lot of the vodka provided by Riley.  
  
"Buffy are you alright?" Angel asked.  
  
"Me, yep I good. I think I'll go and get some air." She answered whilst trying to stand up straight.  
  
She walked across the dance floor of the club trying to stop her head from spinning, 'Vodka bad' she thought as she reached the door. Pushing the door open she let the fresh air hit her and leant against the wall for support. It was then that she heard his voice.  
  
"You sure you're ok getting a taxi? I can walk you if you want." She heard Spike say to Harmony.  
  
"No Spikey it's fine and the cab's here I'll see you tomorrow." Harmony said as she slid into the backseat of the yellow cab.  
  
Buffy listened intently to the conversation between the two, she was too drunk to even be sarcastic about it. Then she saw spike turn and walk towards the entrance she was stood at.  
  
She lifted her head to find him looking straight at her, "Buffy." He said as a greeting.  
  
"Spike." Her voice sounded hostile as spat out his name.  
  
"Don't be like that there's no need." Spike said lighting a smoke and leaning against the wall opposite her.  
  
"That's easy for you to say now you've got yourself another girlfriend to use and abuse, I can't believe you went to all that effort to pretend to like me!" She sneered.  
  
"I wasn't pretending I did like you, I still do like you." Spike said softly.  
  
I felt as if her heart had stopped beating all together, had Spike really just said that he still like her. It was so much for her to take in she had dreamt of confronting him about what happened between them and imagined a thousand different outcomes but she never thought he could spin her mind as easily as that.  
  
"What do you mean?" She demanded wanting to clarify what he meant.  
  
Spike the palms of his hands against the wall and pushed himself away. He stepped closer to her.  
  
"I mean that I like you and I was stupid to let you go." Spike whispered as he tilted her head up and captured her lips.  
  
His hands roamed her back and poured all the love he had for her into that one kiss. Buffy was too caught up in the whole situation to even think about the consequences of what she was doing she grabbed his arse and ground his manhood against her hips.  
  
Spike pulled back slightly at her actions and looked deep into her eyes.  
  
"What about Harmony?" Buffy asked hoping that Spike would tell her what she wanted to hear regarding the soon to be ex-girlfriend.  
  
"She's as good as gone love." Was his answer as he slipped his hands up inside her top.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Both Willow and Xander were just staring at her with their eyes wide, "You had sex with him outside the club?" Willow asked.  
  
Buffy blushed slightly wondering if she over shared, "Well yeah but I was drunk!" She argued defending herself.  
  
"So did he get rid of Harmony?" Xander asked having totally made up his mind that he didn't really like Spike.  
  
"Yes he did, he wouldn't have had a choice everyone would have found out about us sooner or later and Harmony would have gone crazy." Buffy answered still feeling the guilt from sealing another girls boyfriend.  
  
"So he dumped you again huh?" Xander asked.  
  
"No I split with him." Buffy answered in a matter of fact manner.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy and Spike were lying facing each other on the grass in Sunnydale park late in the evening. She could only just make out his features but the important thing was that he was there.  
  
It was no June and they had been back together since St. Valentine's Day and best part was that it had been an amazing four months. They enjoyed being together and very rarely fought about anything.  
  
For some reason though Buffy was starting to feel incredibly restless, Spike was only days away from graduation and she worried about what would happen when he left school.  
  
"Honey I need to ask you something." She said tracing her finger along his perfect jaw.  
  
"Go on then." He said sounding unsure of himself.  
  
"Why did you break up with me?"  
  
"Oh Buffy why are you bringing this up now?" He sounded irritated by her question.  
  
"I've tried to pretend that all that didn't happen but I need to know." Buffy explained.  
  
"Look love I knew that I was falling for you and it scared me, I mean falling for you in the 'together forever' sort of way and I thought we were both far too young for all that."  
  
Buffy lifted herself up a bit so that she was leaning over Spike, "I agree." She took a deep breath, "And that's why I think we should break up."  
  
Spike pushed her out of the way and sat up, "No, Buffy we're not splitting up because you're scared!" He shouted.  
  
"Why? You broke up with me when it was too much for you. I just think it might be best because your graduating and you need to do whatever it is your going to do." Buffy argued.  
  
"It wasn't even my idea Buffy. Angel told me that if I felt that why it would be best to end things, look how wrong he was this is good between us."  
  
"Yes Spike it is good but you can't change my mind." Buffy said picking up her bag standing up and walking off.  
  
She could hear Spike getting to his feet behind her and coming after her, he grabbed hold of her arm and spun her around, "Marry me."  
  
"No." Was her reply as she carried on walking.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Xander and Willow both looked shocked by the end of the story, they had heard Buffy talk about how devastated she'd been when spike broke up with her and then when they were together and happy she broke it off with him.  
  
"So you ended it, and then what got together with Angel?" said Xander as the paid for another round of drinks.  
  
"I ended it and didn't end up seeing any of them for nearly a year and when I did see them thing had changed. Me and Cordy had a big falling out because she was cheating on Angel in secrete for months so they broke up because I felt like I should tell him." Buffy said.  
  
"And when I met up with Angel again a year later I realized that my life was a mess and I needed a nice guy." Buffy continued.  
  
TBC. 


	8. chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT - 'Someone To Save Me.'  
  
Buffy started to put her purse in her bag, "Look guys it's getting kinda late I think we should all be heading back really."  
  
Willow looked at her with big disappointed eyes, "But you haven't told us about you getting with Angel yet! You can't just stop there!" She pleaded.  
  
Buffy laughed slightly at how much Willow had become engrossed in her stories of teen angst and heartbreak, "Come on Will you can wait until lunch tomorrow!"  
  
With that Willow resigned her self to the fact that she wasn't going to hear the conclusion that night, "I guess we should all get some rest, after all the real work starts tomorrow."  
  
"Do you guys want a ride?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No it's alright the apartment building isn't far from here is it? We'll walk." Xander said.  
  
"Ok then well I'll see you both tomorrow." Buffy said as she left the restaurant and headed to her car.  
  
"Shit." She cursed as she looked at her car keys, "I've had way too much to drink." Buffy decided to herself that she'd walk after all driving after that much drink was just stupid.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy had been walking for a couple of minutes lost in thoughts of absolutely nothing but then her mind started to wander towards what her and Angel use to call the lost year. The year that Buffy had spent away from all of those people who had been so important to her when she was mixed up with Spike.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy pulled on her shoes and turned to see Parker lying naked on his bed. Her head was spinning from the alcohol and all she wanted to do was to go home and get into her own bed.  
  
She left the room and headed down the stairs to find Anya.  
  
"Anya you coming? I'm leaving." She said as she stood over the girl that had quickly become the replacement for Cordy.  
  
"Where've you been I've been looking for you?" Anya asked saying her goodbyes to the school football team.  
  
"Well I finally got my way with Parker!" Buffy boasted sporting a smirk.  
  
"God Buffy when are you gonna learn!" Anya muttered.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Buffy slurred as she slid into the passenger seat of Anya's car.  
  
"Come on you know what I mean, these men! You pick a guy and you hunt them down until you get them and then you leave. Why do you cut yourself off think this?" Anya shouted.  
  
Anya knew that what she was saying sounded harsh but it had to be said. Buffy was in her last year of high school and she was throwing everything away by drinking every weekend and not giving any man half a chance.  
  
"Don't be like that Anya I love you!" Buffy sounded like a child as she spoke whilst slumped against the window.  
  
"I'm saying this because I care." Anya sighed, "Anyway we're at your house, go in go straight to bed and sleep it off. Please try and avoid your mom ok!"  
  
"K. See ya on Monday." Buffy said as she climbed out of the car.  
  
~*~  
  
"Buffy is that you?" Joyce Summers said when she heard the front door open. She had been waiting for over an hour for her eldest daughter to come home.  
  
"Yeah, I'm going to bed." Buffy said trying to make a B-line for the stairs.  
  
"Wait a minute young lady you're late and I want to know why." Joyce sounded harsh as she moved from the living room into the hall.  
  
Buffy turned to face where she knew her mother would be stood she tried to stand straight, "I lost track of time."  
  
"Buffy Summers are you drunk?" Joyce asked sounding as if she was in no mood for messing, "Again!" She added.  
  
"No mom I don't drink." Buffy lied.  
  
"I've had enough of this Buffy. I use to worry about what you were getting up to when you were with Spike but it's nothing compared to the behaviour I've seen from you since you broke up. We'll discuss this in the morning now get to your room!" Joyce ordered.  
  
Buffy made her way up the stairs towards her bedroom not listening to a word her mother said. She had heard it all before and was in no mood to hear it again. She was nearly eighteen and she was old enough to decide what was right for her.  
  
"Hey Dawnie what you doing up?" She said sitting herself down on the floor outside her younger sisters bedroom.  
  
"I heard shouting." Dawn said rubbing her eyes.  
  
"Sorry about that I always seem to wake you up don't I?" Buffy said smiling.  
  
Dawn just nodded, she worried about her sister a lot, she knew that Buffy went to a lot of parties and had lots of boyfriends but she also knew that her sister wasn't happy because most night she would hear her sister crying herself to sleep.  
  
"Did you have a good night?" Dawn asked.  
  
"You could say that." Buffy grinned.  
  
"What's his name?" Dawn droned.  
  
"Parker."  
  
"I liked Spike." Dawn added.  
  
"Yeah well he's gone, he's been for a while now hell it's nearly a year Dawn get over it. He's in Europe somewhere having the time of his life so lets not even bother to talk about him, k?" Buffy said as she lifted herself from the floor and went into her room.  
  
Dawn watched the door close to her sisters bedroom she knew that Buffy would either pass out until morning or she wouldn't be able to sleep and she'd even up crying like every other night.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
TBC. 


	9. chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE - 'Reunion'  
  
Buffy knew from the looks she'd been getting all morning that as soon as lunch time came Willow would have her cornered in the canteen wanting to know what happened to get Buffy and Angel together. So as soon the clock on the wall indicated that it was midday Buffy went to find her new friend.  
  
Willow saw Buffy approaching and wandered over not wanting to waste any precious story telling time.  
  
"Hey how's your morning been?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Good I'm settling in well." Willow answered.  
  
"So I guess you wanna know the rest." Buffy teased letting the red head know that she wasn't going to make her wait any longer.  
  
"Damn straight I do missy!" Willow joked.  
  
"Ok, ok I'm going to tell you so calm down."  
  
The pair sat at a table and started to each their lunch while Buffy began to tell the remainder of the story, "So I haven't seen Spike, Cordy, Angel or any of the other for about a year and then one day out of the blue I bump into Angel and Lindsey."  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy and Anya were walking over to Sunnydale park for some girl time. The past couple of months had been hard on their friendship with Buffy living her life on the edge of disaster.  
  
"Oh for God's sake!" Anya shouted just as they sat down.  
  
Buffy looked at her friend, "What?"  
  
"So much for the intervention!" Anya said out load but actually meaning to say it to her self.  
  
Buffy looked around not understanding what was going on with Anya and then she saw them, Angel and Lindsey. Out of pure habit her eyes searched the surrounding area for her blond but he wasn't with them.  
  
"Hi Buffy and Anya isn't it?" Angel said greeting them both.  
  
"Yes I'm Anya. Is HE with you?" She snapped.  
  
"He?" Angel questioned.  
  
"Spike." Anya spat.  
  
"No I haven't seen him in months he's got himself some job as a roadie he's barely ever here in Sunnydale anymore." Angel explained as he watched Anya's features soften with the news that Spike wasn't around  
  
"Well in that case sit down." She said with a bright smile.  
  
"Hi Buffy." Angel repeated because she hadn't yet spoken.  
  
"Hi how are you?" Buffy asked feeling extremely freaked out at the situation.  
  
"I'm good, what about you?" He replied.  
  
Buffy smiled her brightest cheerleader smile and prepared to put on her best front, "I'm great you know playing the field enjoying life."  
  
"That's good."  
  
Buffy and Angel spent a lot of time catching up talking about what everyone was doing now and how there lives were going the conversation flew well and Buffy felt completely comfortable for the first time in ages. And all the time they spoke Buffy didn't notice how Angel was looking at her.  
  
"You know Buffy I never did get chance to thank you properly for telling me about Cordy, it means a lot to me that you stuck up for me." Angel said taking the opportunity to give the small blond a hug.  
  
"I'm just sorry that you had to find out from me."  
  
"Well I always knew deep down that Cordy was nothing more than a cheap bitch I just ended up having it proved to me!"  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Willow listened intently as Buffy re-told the story, "It must have been hard for you to have to tell Angel about Cordy."  
  
A weary, tired smile formed on Buffy's face, "Yeah it was but I couldn't let her do that to him all he'd ever done was love her and treat her right. She was just taking the piss out of him by the end."  
  
"So then do you and angel get together now then?" Willow asked picking up her tuna sandwich.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Anya and Lindsey were deep in conversation as Buffy and Angel discussed old times and what they'd both been up to over the past year.  
  
"So are you with anyone?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No there hasn't been anyone since Cordy." Angel explained, "What about you has there been anyone since Spike?"  
  
Buffy couldn't stop herself from grinning yes there had been someone since spike in fact there had been quite a few. "Oh a couple of different guys have been on the scene but they never went far. There was one guy that I liked a lot but it never came to much."  
  
Angel watched the girl that he had missed so much over the past year talk, he knew her too well, he knew that despite the care free front she was putting up that life had handed out more than a few knocks since he'd seen her last. Still he couldn't help but think that she was even more beautiful now than she had been then.  
  
"I missed our little chats." Buffy added with a smile.  
  
"Yeah me too."  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy started to laugh to herself, "I can't believe that I was stupid enough to not see what was right in front of me."  
  
"Well it does kinda sound like it was staring you right in the face Buff!" Willow said, "So then what?"  
  
Another smile came to Buffy's face one that was far more real and conveyed real happiness, "He shocked me and then I shocked myself even more!"  
  
TBC. 


	10. chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN - 'The Phone Call'  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy was curled up on the sofa watching trashy morning TV after meeting up with Angel and Lindsey the previous night she hadn't gotten to bed until quite late and she couldn't be bothered changing out of her PJ's just yet.  
  
The sound of the blaring TV was interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone Buffy reached over to the coffee table and checked caller ID and grabbed the handset.  
  
"Hey Anya." Buffy greeted.  
  
"Hey how did you know it was me? Are we like psychic friends now or something?"  
  
"No we just got caller ID." Buffy giggled.  
  
Anya sounded disappointed by the fact that she hadn't just developed a new talent that could prove very handy when trying to cheat at cards, "Oh well. Guess who I've just been talking to?"  
  
"I don't know." Buffy replied.  
  
"At least try and guess!" Anya insisted.  
  
"Faith?" she questioned.  
  
"No as if my elder sister would ever think of calling me and lets not even begin to start discussing my younger sister." Anya moaned.  
  
"What's Harmony done now?"  
  
Anya paused she really didn't think it was a good idea to tell Buffy that whilst away in LA Harmony had run into Spike and got mixed up with him again, "She called asking for more money. Anyway that's not the point of this call!"  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
"I just got of the phone to Lindsey and have I got some interesting news for you." Anya said excitedly.  
  
"Lindsey wants to take me out?!" Buffy questioned hoping that she was right.  
  
"No but he is a hottie so I can see why you'd wish it was that. Lindsey told me a little secrete that Angel has been keeping from you for quite a while."  
  
"What?" Buffy sounded scared in her book secretes within that group of friends never ended well.  
  
"Angel likes you." Anya answered feeling proud of herself for knowing.  
  
"What? Angel likes me? Very funny you're kidding me right?" Buffy was convinced it was a joke there had never been anything like that between the two, "Bulky, broody Angel likes me?"  
  
"Yep and has done for quite a while by the sound of it. So what do you think Buffy?" Anya asked.  
  
"Well I," Buffy paused trying to compose her thoughts, "I don't know this is a real shock."  
  
"Best get it together Buff we've been invited to a party at Angel's house next weekend." Anya concluded.  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy brought a can of diet coke to her lips and considered how to continue she noticed that Willow was just sat starring at her waiting for her to continue.  
  
"I was kinda messed up back then and all I really wanted was some stability but I was so unsure of what was the right thing to do with Angel. I wasn't really all that attracted to him." Buffy explained hating to have to make that confession.  
  
"Oh?" Willow puzzled.  
  
"It wasn't like I didn't feel anything for him it was just that what I did feel wasn't romantic."  
  
"But that all changed right?" Willow asked.  
  
"It took a while but it did change."  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy wasn't paying any attention the television now she was still shocked by what Anya had told her.  
  
"Angel and me." Buffy reasoned to herself.  
  
Her head was spinning. There had been plenty of guys in her life since she and Spike had split but not one of them had said they liked her or ever wanted more than a cheap fumble. And even though to all around it looked like she enjoyed it being that way Buffy knew that deep down all she wanted was a cuddle.  
  
"Angel and me." Buffy repeated trying out the new coupling for size, "Yeah Angel and Buffy."  
  
It was at that moment that Buffy decided that if Angel wanted her then he could have her. She had seen for herself how much love that guy had he had treated Cordy as if she was the most precious thing on the planet and it would be good for her to feel like that too.  
  
"Roll on party time!"  
  
~~~ END FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
"If it had been a love at first sight thing then I wouldn't have had to think about, to try and convince myself that it was him I wanted. But it didn't matter I knew he was good guy and he wouldn't treat me like shit like some of the others had, that was what was important to me then." Buffy said as her and Willow finished their meal.  
  
"But then you feel in love?" Willow said wistfully prying for a fairy tale ending forgetting that the couple were no longer together.  
  
"Love, I guess I did."  
  
TCB. 


	11. chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN - 'The Beat'  
  
Buffy walked back from the canteen to her desk where at the moment she had very little to do she had finished telling Willow the story of her great romance but it still felt very unfinished.  
  
As she opened up the file containing the plans for the launch of the new 'FrannyB' line her mind wandered back to the night of Angel's party.  
  
"Funny how drama always seemed to start at his parties." Buffy giggled to herself.  
  
~~~ FLASHBACK ~~~  
  
Buffy checked herself in the mirror of the passenger side visor noting that she looked good. A few days a go she would have never of dreamed that anything like that would ever happen between them but then that phone call from Anya had really made her think about she wanted from life.  
  
"Well maybe not what I want, but it's what I need right know." Buffy said to her self as she opened the car door and stepped out.  
  
She walked up the path and reached the door, her heart was pounding and all she wanted to do was get a little drunk so that she would have the confidence to do what she needed to do. But that was not going to happen Buffy had promised her self that this was the start of the new her and that included no more getting drunk.  
  
A second or two after she'd knocked the door began to open and there he was - the face of her salvation.  
  
"Hi Buffy come in." Angel greeted her.  
  
"Hey thanks for the invite." She replied with her best mile wide bright smile.  
  
Buffy walked past Angel and looked around it wasn't the party she'd expected from Angel. Normally his partied included numerous people that no one really knew drinking until they were sick and loud music blasting from every speaker they could get together. This was defiantly different, low music with Lindsey, Riley, Gunn, a random girl and Anya sat on his sofa's chatting.  
  
'Boy am I glad that I didn't over do the outfit' Buffy thought to herself as she noted the casual feel of the house.  
  
"Good Buffy you're here, come and sit down." Anya beckoned.  
  
"Why didn't you get a ride with me?" Buffy asked her friend.  
  
"Your car smells." Anya replied bluntly.  
  
Buffy's face screwed up in confusion, "Huh?" Then she lifted her head a little higher, "No it doesn't."  
  
Buffy looked around at the people in the room, it felt so strange to back with them after a year of no contact. She didn't know the girl with Gunn and was slightly puzzled why no one had bothered to introduce them.  
  
It was with that Angel came up behind her and filled in the blanks, "Seeing as how it looks like no one else is going to do it, Buffy this Winifred Gunn's girlfriend."  
  
"Fred if you don't mind Angel." Fred spoke up with a shy smile.  
  
"Hi Fred I'm Buffy."  
  
"Yeah I've heard a lot about you from Angel." Fred said.  
  
Buffy arched one eyebrow and turned to Angel, "Oh yeah and what have you been saying about me?" She asked jokingly sounding just a touch defensive.  
  
"All good stuff." Angel said with deep smouldering smile aimed right at Buffy.  
  
"As if it would be anything but good!" Lindsey chimed in earning himself a glare from Angel.  
  
It was then that the air in the room became slightly uncomfortable, Buffy had decided that she would give Angel a try because he was a good guy and he wouldn't hurt her the way she'd been hurt before.  
  
~*~  
  
Over an hour had passed off general catching up and chatting and Buffy was frustrated her normal care free confidence had disappeared and she hadn't been able to give Angel any 'special' attention.  
  
'I've got to get him on his own' she thought as she watched him change the CD in the player.  
  
"I'm just going to the bathroom." Buffy announced loud enough for Angel to her hoping that he'd take the opportunity to follow her so they could get to grips with this situation.  
  
Walking up the stairs she could feel her heart pounding, her eyes desperate to turn around and see if he'd taken her cue. He hadn't so she closed the bathroom door and sat on the toilet seat for a moment because she didn't really need to pee but had to make it look that's what she'd been doing.  
  
'Oh well looks like I need another plan!" Buffy noted as she opened the door ready to head back down stairs.  
  
It was the moment she stepped forward that her body came into contact with a large obstacle, lifting her head her eyes came into contact with Angel.  
  
Her breathing became heavier and her heartbeat became faster and she really didn't know what to say, "Sorry." She mumbled.  
  
"It's ok."  
  
Taking a deep breath she opened her mouth, "I had an interesting conversation with Anya the other day."  
  
"I was wondering when you'd say something about that." Angel said.  
  
"Well it's a joke right?" Buffy asked wanting to make sure she had all the facts correct before making a fool of her self.  
  
All signs of hope crumpled from Angel's face, "It was just a thought but I understand." He said sounding really disappointed and it was at that point that Buffy realized how what she had just said must have sounded.  
  
"No, no I didn't mean it like that Angel, I just meant that well you know I thought it might be a cheap joke at my expense." Buffy rambled not able to look into his eyes.  
  
"So you mean" Angel started but before he could finish Buffy had lifted herself up onto her tip toes and leaned into kiss him.  
  
TBC. 


	12. chapter 12

Chapter Twelve  
  
Buffy tapped her pen on the scribble pad that sat open and blank on her desk, today she had a definite case of mental block. Starring at the clock she mentally willed the big hand to go around another 90 degrees so it would be officially the end of the day.  
  
"Ah I've had enough!" Buffy sighed as she threw her pen into her smart chrome desk caddy.  
  
It was really hard all this getting up and going to work every day for a set amount of time, not how she's envisioned her grown up life - but then non of her grown up life had turned out the way she'd planned, there was no Angel.  
  
She picked up the phone and dialled internal 315, the line straight to Willow's desk and listened as the ringer started to buzz.  
  
"Hello Willow Rosenberg." The sweet voice on the other end answered.  
  
"Hey Will it's Buffy."  
  
"Oh hi." Willow said dropping any tone of formality.  
  
"I was just wondering what you were up to tonight cuz I'm thinking we go out and paint the town red?" Buffy asked her voice bordering on begging.  
  
"Cool, I feel like letting my hair down a bit, but is this a girl's only thing or can a drag Xander along too?"  
  
"Of course you can, that'll be like 33% more fun!"  
  
With that arrangements were made and the girls hung up grabbed their coats and headed home to get ready.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy held up a halter neck top up against her bare chest and assessed what kind of message a top like that one would put out.  
  
"Sexy? Flirty?" Buffy questioned trying to decide if it was right and wondering if it still even fitted.  
  
She hadn't worn it in a long time because Angel had hated her showing off any flesh, it had been easier to just agree and avoid an argument.  
  
Slipping the top over her head Buffy began to really look at her self, "He turned you into a fool." She muttered.  
  
It was true, he did turn her into a fool, he totally pacified her, and that was not Buffy Summers. Any other guy that she'd been with had never been able to pacify her, she had fought her point down to the very last second. But it was different with Angel, she had felt like she needed him to stay sane.  
  
Well not any more!  
  
~~~FLASHBACK~~~  
  
"Hey babe, what you doing after work tonight?" Angel asked his half naked girlfriend in front of him.  
  
Buffy scrapped back her hair into a ponytail ready for her shift at the Double Meat Palace, "Oh well Louise, Sarah and Anya are all going out for a dance so I thought I'd go with them."  
  
Angel frowned, "Oh"  
  
"What I'm sure I told you about this last week." Buffy said wanting to avoid an argument at any cost.  
  
"I wanted to see you tonight." He said with a huff.  
  
"Well you can see me tomorrow I'm going out tonight."  
  
"Can I not come with you?" He asked as a last resort.  
  
"It's meant to a girls thing." She answered mentally pleading with him to just let it drop.  
  
"Fine if you'd rather be with then than me, at least I know where I stand now!" Angel said without raising his voice.  
  
~~~END FLASHBACK~~~  
  
Adding the finishing touches to her make-up Buffy remembered that night very clearly, in the end she had given in and Angel came out with her causing her friends to become mighty pissed that they could never see her without him with her. Then because her friends were so pissed she and Angel ended up going home early and the night had been no fun at all.  
  
"At least you haven't got to worry about that anymore Buff, no more men telling you what to do." She comforted her self.  
  
Her mind was a mix, she did miss him but she knew that she was right when she told herself that he had never done her any good and now was her time to be free again.  
  
With that final confidant boosting thought she grabbed her playboy handbag and headed out of the in the direction of the Bronze.  
  
TBC 


	13. chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen  
  
Anya wandered into the Bronze; she was not in a good mood. Normally she would have been happy to go out for the night with some girl friends but the problem was that although she was with the girls they were not friends. It was in fact her two sisters, Faith and Harmony.  
  
"You had to go and have a birthday!" Anya snapped at her older sister, Faith.  
  
"Chill sis we're going to have a good time." Faith replied.  
  
"Name me one time when I have had fun with her." Anya said staring coldly at the youngest sister, Harmony.  
  
"Ok, ok I know she's a little on the simple side but what can we do there's a blood tie!"  
  
"Hey you two should stop being so mean to me, I'm pretty!" Harmony piped up!  
  
"Yeah pretty dumb!" Anya said as she stormed towards the bar.  
  
~*~  
  
Buffy threw her playboy bag down on to a table in the bronze and smiled at Willow in thanks her for the drink.  
  
"You're really smiley tonight Miss Summers." Willow commented.  
  
"Why yes I am and why not when I've got so much to be happy for!" Buffy answered with a cheery sound to her voice.  
  
"I'm glad that you can see that because it's true. Is that what tonight's all about, enjoying being happy?"  
  
"I guess. I've got a lot to be happy for, a great job complete benefits of two amazing new friends! And freedom from the crap that men bring with them!" She said with a laugh and sweet smile in the direction of Xander.  
  
"I think I'll choose not to be offended by that." Xander said.  
  
Buffy let her eyes scan the room for old faces from high school and there were plenty there, just like her kids from Sunnydale rarely left. Well apart from the bimbo's that went to find their fame in LA.  
  
~*~  
  
"So I totally could not believe it, I'm like stood there with my new Jimmy Choo shoes on waiting to be wooed and he bails, yet again, so I was like" Harmony was cut off mid rant by Anya.  
  
"Hey it is our sisters 25th birthday and she does not want to hear you moan about men. Who are you talking about anyway?" Anya demanded.  
  
"I thought you weren't interested."  
  
"Well I am!"  
  
"Oh you know the usual, Spike."  
  
Anya's head looked as if would explode at very mention of that man's name and Harmony was the perfect person to take that anger out on, "Why in the name of God are you STILL talking about that guy when clearly the very incident you are talking about must have happened years ago."  
  
Harmony's face held a look of confusion for a second, "I'd ask you what your childhood trauma was but as your sister if there was one I'd already know. You crazy this happened last month."  
  
That was it, the final straw for Anya, "You mean that you still see that asshole? Why? God why do you even bother!"  
  
"Because, duh, we're in love. And for the record he is not an asshole." Harmony replied determined to defend him.  
  
"Get a clue. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. I'd be surprised if he was capable of loving anyone apart from himself, but if he was it wouldn't be you because he does even like you. He uses you for sex. You are easy to him!" Anya shouted causing numerous people to turn and stare.  
  
"Ok I'm gonna call him and get him over here to tell you that you don't know a thing about what we share!"  
  
"Oh go ahead, he won't come."  
  
~*~  
  
Xander was staring over Buffy's shoulder watching a pretty brunette shouting at a blonde girl, "Hey check it out, cat fight!"  
  
Willow giggled at her best friend, "Ok Xander did you fall asleep again and start dreaming? Is there mud?"  
  
Buffy turned to see what Xander was talking about, if there was going to be a fight in the Bronze then the chances were she'd know one of both of the people involved. "Oh that's my friend, Anya"  
  
"The brunette, she's called Anya?" Xander cut in.  
  
"Yep and that's her sister, well there both her sisters, but she's arguing with her younger sister a total pain in the butt. I'll go over say hi, it might calm the situation."  
  
"Hey Buff you don't have to ruin a perfectly good cat fight!"  
  
"Hey I'm to nosey to just sit I gotta find out what the fights about!" Buffy said with a smile as she approached Anya's table. What ever they were fighting about must be interesting because Faith was sat back in her stool laughing.  
  
TBC... 


End file.
